My youngest brother has a birthday today. There is something to be said for brotherhood. Its an unconditional unlike any other. There is a competition, a loyalty, a comfort, and maybe even a unique intimacy, regardless different from that of a close fiend or sister. Despite sharing families we have uniqueness that reminds me of humanities desire for variety. Peter is an amazing and talented man. Over the years I have seen him succeed at community leadership.
I have shared many fun nights filled with jokes, silliness, and depth. I have seen his passion for improving communities, Latino communities. He challenges me to voice my opinions and he reminds me how hard he has worked to establish his. He can be a sad man too. He has subtle ways of introversion. He can deceive you with his smile making you believe all is right in the world. But when I look into his eyes deep enough I can still see that gentle boy who has always been polite, kind hearted, and eager. From the get go he has shined, but i see him still wondering with anxiousness and possibly fear what lies ahead. I love this man.
I have shared many fun nights filled with jokes, silliness, and depth. I have seen his passion for improving communities, Latino communities. He challenges me to voice my opinions and he reminds me how hard he has worked to establish his. He can be a sad man too. He has subtle ways of introversion. He can deceive you with his smile making you believe all is right in the world. But when I look into his eyes deep enough I can still see that gentle boy who has always been polite, kind hearted, and eager. From the get go he has shined, but i see him still wondering with anxiousness and possibly fear what lies ahead. I love this man.
I
have guilt for not being the stellar brother that I think I could have
been. I wasn't a good example for how to treat women. I wasn't a good
example for restraining my drinking. I didn't demonstrate how to be
humble until late in the game. I have regrets for being a role model
that was shady and self serving. There are times where I was too
critical and demanding. At times I might have been more of a delinquent
friend than an older brother. His love for me helps me forgive myself.
His love for me reveals how I can come to embracing my shadow.
Staying in my reflective and healing attitude, I realize that being a brother is a relationship.
I have work to do here too. He
has taught me about my gifts, the ones I couldn't recognize on my own.
His gift to me has been his constant reminder to believe in my gifts. I
have guilt and worry around the influence I have made on him, along
with the influence he has thanked me for. I trust the harm I have
contributed might be small. But I worry that sometimes I don't let him
speak enough. There are times where I think I teach too much. There
are times when I judge too much. My gift to Peter this year will be to
trust that he has the abilities and gifts to begin to speak more to me ,
teach more more to me, and have more influence on me.
I
am judgmental of myself and as I grow in being a better brother for
Petter I grow in compassion for me. I have grown to have such a
compassionate heart for him, and it leaves me believing I am capable of
having the same compassion for myself. Your gift Peter is a frugal yet
profound one. I promise to work and be critical of my role as a
brother, my contribution as a family member, and my ethic as a friend.
I love you Peter Jonathan Estrada, It don't matter who is carrying who...He is my Brother!
