It is interesting how the Lord works. For me when I talk of the Lord, I describe a mental concept or philosophy, a formidable connection to my mortality, an understanding of my dependence on others, a strong feeling to be committed and responsible to all(people, animals, water, earth, air, and ideas), an internal guide that surprises, corrects, and steers me. To summarize this it She/He/They are the energy that fuels my mind, body, spirit.
In continuation of my Lenten tradition, I am wanting to share with you how I understand God. It feels natural to want to keep it secret because it feels really foolish to describe something that feels childish. None the less, the essence of healthy and unhealthy are alive and well in me, and rightfully so I teeter respectfully with both. I have learned that in my unhealthiness I can learn, and in my healthiness I can destroy. This lesson for me is beautifully humble.
So the synergy between my mind, body, and spirit is leading me to dirt. Like the color of my skin, I relate to dirt. I recently began planting for the first time in my life. The pilgrimage this Lenten season will be completed with a 24 mile walk to a sacred New Mexican church. There lies a pit that is believed to hold healing "Dirt".
As the political and economic debates about environmental climate change rage on, I know that for me the battle is only with my resistance to a deep connection with dirt. I recognize that business decisions are made in metal towers, using silicon tools, and are complicated by profits. The connection to earth is not discussed by boards of directors (I assume). But that's cool, they serve a different and necessary purpose. I am lucky to feel connected to something as simple as dirt. Haaaaaa haaaaaaaa! Fuck-N-A, I am proud of my journey towards simplicity and scared to get there, cause I know it is a return to the dirt.
Until I get there and God willing it be many years away, I pray to be like the hummingbird.
If your interested the clips are from a documentary, its available for free at Hulu. I highly recommend the 1hr and 1/2
Dirt! The Movie
Monsenor Oscar Romero
An advocate for Christ and the peasant, was assassinated 31 years ago on the 24th of March. He was killed for trying to make sense of the social injustices in El Salvador. His message may be 31 years buried, but it still rings in my ears today. I learned of this while researching the truth behind the right wing human rights violations and revolutionary liberal violence.
I am disappointed that I learned of this great Latino hero by chance. This is energy for me, energy to empower me, energy to believe that the people I belong to are not just efficient labor.
The complete message is in English at this link
http://www.haverford.edu/relg/faculty/amcguire/romero.html
Feliz Aniversário homem bom
Sérgio Vieira de Mello (15 March 1948 – 19 August 2003)
I remember admiring the tenacity of a Michael Jordon, Jerry Rice, and Ozzie Smith. I aspired to be dominant like Magic Johnson, Nolan Ryan, and Wade Boggs. I wanted to be legendary like Barry Sanders, Ronnie Lot, and Roger Staubach.I have found new men to admire. I have learned that there are men out there risking their lives, to assist strangers, who were and are struggling for freedom. None great enough to draw a crowd of millions, but one great enough to teach waring nations about democracy. One of these men gave his life in Iraq, not carrying a weapon, but only his heart, a well equipped mind, and passion. He worked with the cliche that didn't focus on winning but healing.
"You Can't Help People from a Distance" - Sergio Viera De Mello
Like one might admire a star's statistics I admire Sergio's
Bottled Water, a sip from a different perspective!
Tapped
A critical look at some suspected affects of having a bottled water industry...and the inconvenience that comes with a collective desire for conveniently consuming water
I think what I took from this is that responsible and respectful business doesn't need advertising, branding, and exploitation, all it needs is a good product. I think reckless capitalism, excessive profits, and self gain have created an economic system that has detached me from my morals and senses. I recognize everyday how the individual (including myself) is objectively looking to better themselves, unfortunately it appears to be at expense of someone else, consciously or unconsciously. I am moving closer and closer to understanding how to contribute in a healthier way.
A critical look at some suspected affects of having a bottled water industry...and the inconvenience that comes with a collective desire for conveniently consuming water
I think what I took from this is that responsible and respectful business doesn't need advertising, branding, and exploitation, all it needs is a good product. I think reckless capitalism, excessive profits, and self gain have created an economic system that has detached me from my morals and senses. I recognize everyday how the individual (including myself) is objectively looking to better themselves, unfortunately it appears to be at expense of someone else, consciously or unconsciously. I am moving closer and closer to understanding how to contribute in a healthier way.
Lent
A tradition practiced in my family, is Lent! I hear the same old message from the pulpit, and recognize why so many Catholics can identify as non-practicing. Lent is a time for sacrifice and alms, this is what the clergy asks of us. Unfortunately I gotta say check yo self before you wreck yo self. Who am I to question, I am only laity. Well I have a sermon. Lent for me is being loved, a selfish desire for God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit.
So the ritual is to give one thing up for 40 days out from Easter, so its absence will remind me of Christ. This is an individual quest for the divine. What I hear is, find one thing in my life that is distracting me from acknowledging God. What is so special about a 40 day period? My answer is that even Jesus, the incarnate, might have been overstimulated. Why else would he choose to enter the desert. What better place to eliminate distraction than the desert.
As I finish up a little research on Ayn Rand, she reminds me of how foolish the followers of Jesus are. We are irrational, as she would call us. She might even
call us enslaved and victims of communism. I think she would feel a need to educate us and explain to us how valuable our lives could be, if we only recognized our own desires. I would say, "Mrs. Rand, might I call you Dr. Rand, altruism is what I believe it to be, and if it offends you, please forgive me." If serving the less fortunate frustrates you, I apologize, I will try and do it where you don't have to see it or pay for it. Sorry you see me as a corrupt person, and belonging to a corrupt set of people. I hope you will see that I fear your ambitions, and love my hope. If believing in the unprovable is foolish than cast me away with the other fools. I admire your desire for rational. So in honor of you and my Lenten tradition I will do my best to find my own deserts to walk in. With compassion for Ayn Rand I will think freely and rationally about scripture, carving my own understanding of what it means to follow Christ, building an internal industry of faith, aspiring to be as industrial as her fictitious invention John Galt.Irrationally in love with forgiveness, empathy, grace, suffering, and sacrifice
I feel more understanding of how I am an immigrant soul wondering in this human experience
Gratitude
I believe gratitude is not only a feeling, it should manifest itself as an action. A brother of mine, Brad, concerned for my discontent with aspects of America, inspired me to describe my understanding of gratitude, in the hopes of communicating that I am not anti-America but rather invested enough in it to think critically. Being a member of different communities I believe America is one of them. So am I grateful to be American? Yes and No...maybe if there were a word that captured both it would be YO!
What is gratitude? Gratitude is holding an elevated appreciation or favorable value towards a thing. How would a person demonstrate gratitude? In our society it surfaces as a greeting, like "Thank you", "I love you", or a head nod. As we go a little deeper I see gratitude surfacing in service, bonuses, donations, or gifts. In my field of software development, I see gratitude when people use my systems, give me feedback, and invest back in the system critically. As a father I want my daughters to show gratitude, communicate gratitude, but more importantly embody gratitude. I feel words are useless, unless they are preceded by action.
Going below the surface I believe that gratitude is a quality of respect. So if I am grateful for something I honor it. If I am grateful, I am respectful, and as a human, giving respect is a sacred skill. Giving respect is complicated. It gets even more complex when perceived disrespect must be overcome. Maturity is being able to understand what I am grateful for, so I can know what it is I am honoring. So in order for me to demonstrate gratitude I have to venture down the critical path and taste contempt, disgust, and hate. It is during this journey that I can sift the grain to separate the wheat from the chaff, allowing me to embody gratitude. So as I venture down this critical path, which is also revealing to me injustice, I am discerning what America is.
America is an institution of people, so I find it hard to be grateful to an institution. I think this country's founding fathers would be grateful that I am critical, but regardless of my wonder about their opinion, my grandfathers are proud of my mindfulness, my father is proud of my integrity, and this is enough for me, that is where I lay my gratitude. My ancestral fathers, who span multiple countries, are encouraging me spiritually. So I am doing my best to serve my heritage, not America's. In my search for gratitude I come across how my ancestors lost a war to America. My founding fathers' land was invaded by America, and later stolen and made a territory; America didn't do this to Germany, Italy, or Japan. I feel defeated, and gratitude for being assimilated is not something I hold with esteem. I have been told at times that if I don't like it then find another place to live, and then I realize that's the problem, all these people displace others trying to find a new place to live. So I am searching for reasons to be grateful.
Demonstrating gratitude is not exclusive of criticism. When I value something I invest in it, being critical is not disrespectful or degrading, it is necessary. America is a symbol of many people who are worthy of gratitude and contains people who aren't, but in the end the institution is only a concept in our minds. It is only an idea that we generalize in our heads because of the complexity that is found when diving into the history America has. The history is so rich, unpalatable, wonderful, evil, inspiring, dehumanizing, just, and unjust it is hard to see it anything other than great. Well I am courageous enough to know that America is created by humans for humans. It is fallible. I am learning I don't have to buy into its norms. In fact at its core I am expected to look critically. It is more important that I discern what systems it provides that are catholic(not the noun the adjective), peaceful, and benevolent. So revealing darker truths about America is not ungrateful, it is being American.
This is gratitude in action, this is gratitude to my founding fathers, for the army of ancestor of mine that were defeated, their efforts to retain this invaded land, and my wandering people. It is a step towards needed forgiveness from the Acoma, Cochiti, Isleta, Jemez, Laguna, Nambe, Ohkay Owingeh, Picuris, Pojoaque, Sandia, San Felipe, San Ildefonso, Santa Ana, Santa Clara, Santo Domingo, Taos, Tesuque, Zia, and Zuni people. It is a step towards forgiving our Fatherland Mexico for abandoning us. Gratitude is a warrior's process. If done right, it isn't pretty because it leads to respect. I must finish the race, get on the critical path less traveled, seek to understand my enemy, harbor the American refugee, pay Exxon what is Exxon's, recognize myself in the criminal, and burrow into the facades of our institutions so I can see the soul.
And lastly, I am grateful for Brad's concern because getting on the critical path is dangerous, it borders the edge of darkness, i need these reminders to remain grateful.
What is gratitude? Gratitude is holding an elevated appreciation or favorable value towards a thing. How would a person demonstrate gratitude? In our society it surfaces as a greeting, like "Thank you", "I love you", or a head nod. As we go a little deeper I see gratitude surfacing in service, bonuses, donations, or gifts. In my field of software development, I see gratitude when people use my systems, give me feedback, and invest back in the system critically. As a father I want my daughters to show gratitude, communicate gratitude, but more importantly embody gratitude. I feel words are useless, unless they are preceded by action.
Going below the surface I believe that gratitude is a quality of respect. So if I am grateful for something I honor it. If I am grateful, I am respectful, and as a human, giving respect is a sacred skill. Giving respect is complicated. It gets even more complex when perceived disrespect must be overcome. Maturity is being able to understand what I am grateful for, so I can know what it is I am honoring. So in order for me to demonstrate gratitude I have to venture down the critical path and taste contempt, disgust, and hate. It is during this journey that I can sift the grain to separate the wheat from the chaff, allowing me to embody gratitude. So as I venture down this critical path, which is also revealing to me injustice, I am discerning what America is.
America is an institution of people, so I find it hard to be grateful to an institution. I think this country's founding fathers would be grateful that I am critical, but regardless of my wonder about their opinion, my grandfathers are proud of my mindfulness, my father is proud of my integrity, and this is enough for me, that is where I lay my gratitude. My ancestral fathers, who span multiple countries, are encouraging me spiritually. So I am doing my best to serve my heritage, not America's. In my search for gratitude I come across how my ancestors lost a war to America. My founding fathers' land was invaded by America, and later stolen and made a territory; America didn't do this to Germany, Italy, or Japan. I feel defeated, and gratitude for being assimilated is not something I hold with esteem. I have been told at times that if I don't like it then find another place to live, and then I realize that's the problem, all these people displace others trying to find a new place to live. So I am searching for reasons to be grateful.
Demonstrating gratitude is not exclusive of criticism. When I value something I invest in it, being critical is not disrespectful or degrading, it is necessary. America is a symbol of many people who are worthy of gratitude and contains people who aren't, but in the end the institution is only a concept in our minds. It is only an idea that we generalize in our heads because of the complexity that is found when diving into the history America has. The history is so rich, unpalatable, wonderful, evil, inspiring, dehumanizing, just, and unjust it is hard to see it anything other than great. Well I am courageous enough to know that America is created by humans for humans. It is fallible. I am learning I don't have to buy into its norms. In fact at its core I am expected to look critically. It is more important that I discern what systems it provides that are catholic(not the noun the adjective), peaceful, and benevolent. So revealing darker truths about America is not ungrateful, it is being American.
This is gratitude in action, this is gratitude to my founding fathers, for the army of ancestor of mine that were defeated, their efforts to retain this invaded land, and my wandering people. It is a step towards needed forgiveness from the Acoma, Cochiti, Isleta, Jemez, Laguna, Nambe, Ohkay Owingeh, Picuris, Pojoaque, Sandia, San Felipe, San Ildefonso, Santa Ana, Santa Clara, Santo Domingo, Taos, Tesuque, Zia, and Zuni people. It is a step towards forgiving our Fatherland Mexico for abandoning us. Gratitude is a warrior's process. If done right, it isn't pretty because it leads to respect. I must finish the race, get on the critical path less traveled, seek to understand my enemy, harbor the American refugee, pay Exxon what is Exxon's, recognize myself in the criminal, and burrow into the facades of our institutions so I can see the soul.
And lastly, I am grateful for Brad's concern because getting on the critical path is dangerous, it borders the edge of darkness, i need these reminders to remain grateful.
American Refugee
I'm not all bitter, though at times, I realize I move so furiously through my oppressed thoughts that I forget to remind myself of beautiful aspects to the human struggle and search for fulfillment. I think about the people my family has marginalized, discriminated against, or refused to have compassion for. I think about how I am judgmental, attached to materiality, impatient with ignorance, and hostile towards arrogance. I think about how easy it is to choose sides, knowing that choosing sides is my own laziness in understanding the other side, or as Jesus describes as enemy.
I long for a day when people actually value what they say and fulfill it with what they do. I guess I long for a day when I can move towards living my philosophies. I long for a day when taxes aren't needed because we no longer mistrust it as a tax but see it as charity. I also wait for day when capital gains are measure by how low our global poverty rate is. I desire a day when we give Javier the plasterer as much respect as Joe the plumber, by not calling him illegal, but collaborator. I value a day when we actually hold corporations accountable not only with dividends but by best practices, a day when their morningstar rating includes morality criteria. I wait for a day when the stereotypical Mr. Jones realizes he doesn't need to fence in 35 acres to feel like a man. I wait for a day when the stereotypical Carlos can wake up and have enough love in his heart to smile at the vato across the street versus sizing him up. This in a nutshell is me. All my judgments are small indicators for who I am, have been, and long to be.
There are American refugees who are bringing communal skills to this region as well. There are non New Mexican people who are equally longing for equality, freedom, and justice. There are a groups of American immigrants who bring life to our communities, invest in its people, need only what can be used, and profit only from connections. There are American immigrants who use as much if not less than they contribute back into the community. I am proud to know American immigrants who inspire me to live by dissipating Chicano qualities. This is proof that Chicano qualities are not native to the mestizo people of this region. The human qualities like compassion, altruism, simplicity, consideration and community are shared in every healthy community. I think the beauty about a healthy culture is that it can collaborate with other cultures, as long as there is reciprocity, as long as one culture doesn't need to win, lead, know, overpower, or control.
These American immigrants bring with them skills that are....I can only describe them as being...divine skills. These people have taught me how to feel my anger, hatred, and prejudice, without becoming it. A few are listed below:
Norbertine Community
Center for Action and Contemplation
Peace and Justice Center
Attachment Healing Center
Animas Valley Institute
New Mexico Parent & Child Resources, Inc.
As a Chicano, my grip on my history, ignorance, violence, struggle, and tradition is loosening. I see how a lot of American immigrants long for connection back to their ancestors, like true refugees.
"In this bright future you can't forget your past" -Bob Marley
I long for a day when people actually value what they say and fulfill it with what they do. I guess I long for a day when I can move towards living my philosophies. I long for a day when taxes aren't needed because we no longer mistrust it as a tax but see it as charity. I also wait for day when capital gains are measure by how low our global poverty rate is. I desire a day when we give Javier the plasterer as much respect as Joe the plumber, by not calling him illegal, but collaborator. I value a day when we actually hold corporations accountable not only with dividends but by best practices, a day when their morningstar rating includes morality criteria. I wait for a day when the stereotypical Mr. Jones realizes he doesn't need to fence in 35 acres to feel like a man. I wait for a day when the stereotypical Carlos can wake up and have enough love in his heart to smile at the vato across the street versus sizing him up. This in a nutshell is me. All my judgments are small indicators for who I am, have been, and long to be.
There are American refugees who are bringing communal skills to this region as well. There are non New Mexican people who are equally longing for equality, freedom, and justice. There are a groups of American immigrants who bring life to our communities, invest in its people, need only what can be used, and profit only from connections. There are American immigrants who use as much if not less than they contribute back into the community. I am proud to know American immigrants who inspire me to live by dissipating Chicano qualities. This is proof that Chicano qualities are not native to the mestizo people of this region. The human qualities like compassion, altruism, simplicity, consideration and community are shared in every healthy community. I think the beauty about a healthy culture is that it can collaborate with other cultures, as long as there is reciprocity, as long as one culture doesn't need to win, lead, know, overpower, or control.
These American immigrants bring with them skills that are....I can only describe them as being...divine skills. These people have taught me how to feel my anger, hatred, and prejudice, without becoming it. A few are listed below:
Norbertine Community
Center for Action and Contemplation
Peace and Justice Center
Attachment Healing Center
Animas Valley Institute
New Mexico Parent & Child Resources, Inc.
As a Chicano, my grip on my history, ignorance, violence, struggle, and tradition is loosening. I see how a lot of American immigrants long for connection back to their ancestors, like true refugees.
"In this bright future you can't forget your past" -Bob Marley
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