This won't make much sense to anyone who values correctness. It doesn't mean that I value incorrectness, but I am comfortable enough to understand that correctness is a paradox between appropriate and faulty. There is a monopoly on correct answers and it belongs to the privileged. It is revealed in our languages and validated by tradition, defined by linguists. As I work with my daughters to expand their understanding of themselves and the world, we are stretching our vocabularies. I find that it is a "both and" circumstance. Both and meaning that it takes time to realize the words we know are not enough to express ourselves appropriately and the "and" is how there are words that are unfitting and others that are preferred. It is rarely the under-served that are allowed to set the preference. So our foundational method for communicating and expressing ourselves is discriminant and polluted by preference, privilege, and suitability.
Curanderismo
Over a year ago I created this blog because I felt drawn to healing, but not healing that is know to my American mind. I don't have the confidence, education, or resources to pursue a medical degree. Despite these limitations I still have a passion for wellness. I have chosen to expand my knowledge of people, the body, and my faith, both through education and opportunity. I have a strong intuition that medicine is not as definable as Blue Cross & Blue Shield or United Health would like us to believe. I am wanting to liberate myself from the dogmatic beliefs I have towards medicine.
This summer I participated in a course here at UNM. I touched and bridged a hope I started in 2010 by creating this blog. There is a lot about me that is learning to be genuine, this course motivated me to continue transcending the rest of me.
This summer I participated in a course here at UNM. I touched and bridged a hope I started in 2010 by creating this blog. There is a lot about me that is learning to be genuine, this course motivated me to continue transcending the rest of me.
Triage
In the software industry there is a balance between innovation and maintenance. This healthy balance allows the industry to both sustain and grow. The risk for future health is found in the risk a group is willing to make in spending time in innovative research or the maintenance of health. I find a gap in how we see cultural systems. Unfortunately cultural systems are not evidently profitable like software is. So cultural systems appear to be unworthy of innovation or investment. When a cultural system is broken or buggy, few in society are willing to investigate the source code. Many prefer swapping or outsourcing cultural systems.
So what does this do to the broken cultural system? In software a buggy system can be addressed in a spectrum of ways from by being rewritten all the way to being retired. There is intentionality to fix a system that is influenced by profitability. Our value for human systems is not as dualistic or motivating as our monetary profits. With human systems retirement is shamed, but attempted in the evidence of genocide. In software buggy is identifiable, but in human systems I have come to understand buggy as subjective. Or possibly I am refusing to see in the computing world that there are often systems design for broken processes. In may human systems I see how the system is functional and productive but is expected to function in a broken process. Our indigenous cultures represent these functional and productive systems. The broken processes I see as the consumer mentality, the convenience hoarding, and the power dependence.
As a potential professional in the helping arena I am worried that the incentive that we are pursuing is simply triage.
So what does this do to the broken cultural system? In software a buggy system can be addressed in a spectrum of ways from by being rewritten all the way to being retired. There is intentionality to fix a system that is influenced by profitability. Our value for human systems is not as dualistic or motivating as our monetary profits. With human systems retirement is shamed, but attempted in the evidence of genocide. In software buggy is identifiable, but in human systems I have come to understand buggy as subjective. Or possibly I am refusing to see in the computing world that there are often systems design for broken processes. In may human systems I see how the system is functional and productive but is expected to function in a broken process. Our indigenous cultures represent these functional and productive systems. The broken processes I see as the consumer mentality, the convenience hoarding, and the power dependence.
As a potential professional in the helping arena I am worried that the incentive that we are pursuing is simply triage.
cultural blister
education can alienate. I often think about why I do the things I do. mostly i do things with narcisistic intentions. I chose to go to school so that could get a good job. I chose my path of study so that I could get good pay. this was the message my parents were fed. this message is true to some extent. what it doesn't explain or help is the cultural stigmas that I wear. it doesn't explain my insecurities. it didn't consider the consequences for becoming educated. and maybe because the consequences are unique to my experiences. the metaphor I have is the blister.
education is an abrasive experience that rubbed raw an unwilling area of my understanding. like a hand on a shovel doing work, strenuous and repetitive work. the area I picture as tender is my communal attachments. I feel like I these communal attachments were worn to a raw friction filled sore. In the process of educating myself I was also distancing myself from my communities that I had functioned in and become comfortable in. I was distancing myself and moving toward connections that are ironically despised by the communal attachments that had embraced me for so long. the distance puts me in a place I call my cultural blister.
is it coincidence that the educational system is dominated by the white culture? are white people better learners? did I have to leave my communal attachments to be productive? in the barrio I am labeled at times a sell out, coconut, or oreo. now in this blistered area I find it difficult in expressing this sadness about choosing my educational route. acculturated people become nervous, defensive, concerned, when I talk about brown, black, and white. I feel obligated to forget the distinctions that reality uses to create advantage. i think it is easier to dismiss the injustice when you are the benefactor. I cannot and will likely never see without prejudice.
I see this sensitivity as the unwilling to touch the sore and raw edges of the cultural blister. in more graphic description this space is filled with puss protecting and obstructing me from confronting the wounded area. I am isolated in this luminal blistered area longing for the simplicity I left in my barrio lifestyle. I feel isolated in my insecurity for participating and contributing to this blistered space. I feel isolated in my hatred for this educational work that divides and has my communal attachments believing that they are lesser. I am suffocated in this pool of puss that compresses my desire to escape the constant pain of knowing I chose this path.
in the metaphor the blister can pop. what will help this callous is either more work or intentionality to break the blister. where I am this morning is fatigue.
education is an abrasive experience that rubbed raw an unwilling area of my understanding. like a hand on a shovel doing work, strenuous and repetitive work. the area I picture as tender is my communal attachments. I feel like I these communal attachments were worn to a raw friction filled sore. In the process of educating myself I was also distancing myself from my communities that I had functioned in and become comfortable in. I was distancing myself and moving toward connections that are ironically despised by the communal attachments that had embraced me for so long. the distance puts me in a place I call my cultural blister.
is it coincidence that the educational system is dominated by the white culture? are white people better learners? did I have to leave my communal attachments to be productive? in the barrio I am labeled at times a sell out, coconut, or oreo. now in this blistered area I find it difficult in expressing this sadness about choosing my educational route. acculturated people become nervous, defensive, concerned, when I talk about brown, black, and white. I feel obligated to forget the distinctions that reality uses to create advantage. i think it is easier to dismiss the injustice when you are the benefactor. I cannot and will likely never see without prejudice.
I see this sensitivity as the unwilling to touch the sore and raw edges of the cultural blister. in more graphic description this space is filled with puss protecting and obstructing me from confronting the wounded area. I am isolated in this luminal blistered area longing for the simplicity I left in my barrio lifestyle. I feel isolated in my insecurity for participating and contributing to this blistered space. I feel isolated in my hatred for this educational work that divides and has my communal attachments believing that they are lesser. I am suffocated in this pool of puss that compresses my desire to escape the constant pain of knowing I chose this path.
in the metaphor the blister can pop. what will help this callous is either more work or intentionality to break the blister. where I am this morning is fatigue.
Touching Fear
This weekend I took three very special ladies on an outdoor adventure. Two are my daughters. It had been a very long time since I had backpacked. It had been a long time since I had felt a cold morning. It had been a long time since I had visions of mountain lion attacks, disastrous falls, or spooking a sow and her cubs. When backpacking, every little object holds value. Every little object has weight, adding to a load I am responsible for. There are so many meaningful messages, metaphors, and symbols for a good poem in the backpackers mindset. The best for me is the idea of touching fear. I wanted my daughters to touch the sky this weekend. I wanted them to touch fear. I wanted to share that experience with them. We did it. There is a restlessness that I enter into when in the wild.
I question what type of father I am daily. This past weekend I took my daughters to attempt Mt. Sneffels. It is a 14ner, know as a peak being 14,000 ft above sea level. I was hoping that this would be a challenging experience for all of us. It was. I had a lot of hesitation about taking a 8 & 11 year olds up a mountain that many adults would struggle climbing. I added to the risk by making this my first attempt as well. I had never seen what we were going up against. Added to that risk my daughters have never been backpacking. Added to that risk my daughters have not been above 10,000 ft for longer than a few hours. My desire for them to experience the enormity of earth outweighed the sensibility of being safe. I wanted to teach my daughters about risk and calculating safety. I wanted to give them a real analogy to work with when life becomes a 14ner. We touched fear.
We were a team. There was four of us. Stephanie, my partner and relationship fear factor, was thought to be a risk on this trip, but complemented the experience. The four of us experimented with our fears, ambitions, and the space between. More on this trip to come.
Guatemalan Soldiers Sentenced to 6,060 Years in Prison for Role in 1982 Massacre
Guatemalan Soldiers Sentenced to 6,060 Years in Prison for Role in 1982 Massacre
When we are taught about what we contribute to the world as prideful Americans, we have a habit of NOTrecognizing our blemishes. I think this is my greatest lesson learned in life, thus far. How can I do a better job of recognizing my blemishes? what is it about my perception of American culture and my belief that we are selfish. I feel we do such a shitty job of taking responsibility for our blemishes. And it is likely that I still cannot do a good job of prosecuting myself. It is likely that the prosecution itself is the problem. Why would anyone want to be prosecuted. Maybe more like an intervention. What makes a country act moronic? I think it is the same thing that makes a person act moronic. In my opinion at root it's a lack of respect and connection to a tradition rooted in symbiosis wilth resources, craving, and the unknowable. I think what the fuck do I know
When we are taught about what we contribute to the world as prideful Americans, we have a habit of NOTrecognizing our blemishes. I think this is my greatest lesson learned in life, thus far. How can I do a better job of recognizing my blemishes? what is it about my perception of American culture and my belief that we are selfish. I feel we do such a shitty job of taking responsibility for our blemishes. And it is likely that I still cannot do a good job of prosecuting myself. It is likely that the prosecution itself is the problem. Why would anyone want to be prosecuted. Maybe more like an intervention. What makes a country act moronic? I think it is the same thing that makes a person act moronic. In my opinion at root it's a lack of respect and connection to a tradition rooted in symbiosis wilth resources, craving, and the unknowable. I think what the fuck do I know
Serving Our Country
I find it interesting that close to half the people in the United States consider the government a gravy train. Yet these same folks jump at the opportunity to praise our military, firemen, police, and other duty oriented service bureaucracies. It is as if, the teacher, social worker, or environmental regulator, are something different. These folks are serving our country too. It blows me away how quickly the conservative philosophy calls for smaller government and contradicts its support of service to country. In fact they support the privatization of just about everything which, in turn, emphasizes a loyalty to the stakeholder, which in most cases desires a global audience. So I find the contradiction personal.
My dad is a teacher and my mother is a health administrator. They both serve their community using tax dollars. In a great picture they too are serving their country. The investor is the tax payer, whether it be a sales, income, or other tax. Is there inefficiencies in government run programs? Sure, but it is foolish to believe that corporations are any less susceptible to inefficiencies. It is getting irritating that with all the patriotism that exists, we are so forgetful that Wall Street is serving the largest global investment corporations in the world (brokers). So is privatization the answer, why argue? But if you are gonna honor the soldier for serving their country, please don't disrespect my parents for trying to serve theirs.
My dad is a teacher and my mother is a health administrator. They both serve their community using tax dollars. In a great picture they too are serving their country. The investor is the tax payer, whether it be a sales, income, or other tax. Is there inefficiencies in government run programs? Sure, but it is foolish to believe that corporations are any less susceptible to inefficiencies. It is getting irritating that with all the patriotism that exists, we are so forgetful that Wall Street is serving the largest global investment corporations in the world (brokers). So is privatization the answer, why argue? But if you are gonna honor the soldier for serving their country, please don't disrespect my parents for trying to serve theirs.
Free Wheel Women
"Feminists cycling and salsa...ing for social justice"
Last night while enjoying "En-Joy" I got an opportunity to talk with three inspiring women, Ashley, Alley (Alison), and Stephanie. Marble brewery has a patio area where we sat together having a brew and listening to some amazing beats. While sharing a table/picnic bench and some small talk Ashley revealed that they were sojourners. They are sprinkling their smiles across North America. From here the conversation grew into a deep sharing of ideas and experiences.
They were on a pilgrimage. I am fortunate to have crossed paths. I am reminded of women's wildness. Often wildness and adventure are reserved for men, but these three women represented the female passion for independence. We shared a longing to get to know what freedom feels like. So I am sharing them with this community. I hope they remind you all of how important it is to encourage our women to harness their natural feminine desires for adventure.
Free Wheel Women.....Keep your wheels free and turning
Que te vayas bien, mis amigas!
Last night while enjoying "En-Joy" I got an opportunity to talk with three inspiring women, Ashley, Alley (Alison), and Stephanie. Marble brewery has a patio area where we sat together having a brew and listening to some amazing beats. While sharing a table/picnic bench and some small talk Ashley revealed that they were sojourners. They are sprinkling their smiles across North America. From here the conversation grew into a deep sharing of ideas and experiences.
They were on a pilgrimage. I am fortunate to have crossed paths. I am reminded of women's wildness. Often wildness and adventure are reserved for men, but these three women represented the female passion for independence. We shared a longing to get to know what freedom feels like. So I am sharing them with this community. I hope they remind you all of how important it is to encourage our women to harness their natural feminine desires for adventure.
Free Wheel Women.....Keep your wheels free and turning
Que te vayas bien, mis amigas!
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Immigrating Without Borders
I immigrated from Albuquerque’s city life to a quieter Santa Fe. Santa Fe is 50 some odd miles north of Albuquerque along the Camino ...
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There is a part of the Chicano culture that is ruthless. Even the slightest social struggle creates opportunity for deviance. My family wa... -
Part 3 Where did the ability to self abuse originate? If I take a critical look at the people in my barrios that perpetrated on the home... -
Part 2 The darker aspects of my culture are simply expressions of communal pain. Without diving into excuses or reasons for class structure...