Gratitude

I believe gratitude is not only a feeling, it should manifest itself as an action. A brother of mine, Brad, concerned for my discontent with aspects of America, inspired me to describe my understanding of gratitude, in the hopes of communicating that I am not anti-America but rather invested enough in it to think critically. Being a member of different communities I believe America is one of them. So am I grateful to be American? Yes and No...maybe if there were a word that captured both it would be YO!

What is gratitude? Gratitude is holding an elevated appreciation or favorable value towards a thing. How would a person demonstrate gratitude? In our society it surfaces as a greeting, like "Thank you", "I love you", or a head nod. As we go a little deeper I see gratitude surfacing in service, bonuses, donations, or gifts. In my field of software development, I see gratitude when people use my systems, give me feedback, and invest back in the system critically. As a father I want my daughters to show gratitude, communicate gratitude, but more importantly embody gratitude. I feel words are useless, unless they are preceded by action.

Going below the surface I believe that gratitude is a quality of respect. So if I am grateful for something I honor it. If I am grateful, I am respectful, and as a human, giving respect is a sacred skill. Giving respect is complicated. It gets even more complex when perceived disrespect must be overcome. Maturity is being able to understand what I am grateful for, so I can know what it is I am honoring. So in order for me to demonstrate gratitude I have to venture down the critical path and taste contempt, disgust, and hate. It is during this journey that I can sift the grain to separate the wheat from the chaff, allowing me to embody gratitude. So as I venture down this critical path, which is also revealing to me injustice, I am discerning what America is.

America is an institution of people, so I find it hard to be grateful to an institution. I think this country's founding fathers would be grateful that I am critical, but regardless of my wonder about their opinion, my grandfathers are proud of my mindfulness, my father is proud of my integrity, and this is enough for me, that is where I lay my gratitude. My ancestral fathers, who span multiple countries, are encouraging me spiritually. So I am doing my best to serve my heritage, not America's. In my search for gratitude I come across how my ancestors lost a war to America. My founding fathers' land was invaded by America, and later stolen and made a territory; America didn't do this to Germany, Italy, or Japan. I feel defeated, and gratitude for being assimilated is not something I hold with esteem. I have been told at times that if I don't like it then find another place to live, and then I realize that's the problem, all these people displace others trying to find a new place to live. So I am searching for reasons to be grateful.

Demonstrating gratitude is not exclusive of criticism. When I value something I invest in it, being critical is not disrespectful or degrading, it is necessary. America is a symbol of many people who are worthy of gratitude and contains people who aren't, but in the end the institution is only a concept in our minds. It is only an idea that we generalize in our heads because of the complexity that is found when diving into the history America has. The history is so rich, unpalatable, wonderful, evil, inspiring, dehumanizing, just, and unjust it is hard to see it anything other than great. Well I am courageous enough to know that America is created by humans for humans. It is fallible. I am learning I don't have to buy into its norms. In fact at its core I am expected to look critically. It is more important that I discern what systems it provides that are catholic(not the noun the adjective), peaceful, and benevolent. So revealing darker truths about America is not ungrateful, it is being American.

This is gratitude in action, this is gratitude to my founding fathers, for the army of ancestor of mine that were defeated, their efforts to retain this invaded land, and my wandering people. It is a step towards needed forgiveness from the Acoma, Cochiti, Isleta, Jemez, Laguna, Nambe, Ohkay Owingeh, Picuris, Pojoaque, Sandia, San Felipe, San Ildefonso, Santa Ana, Santa Clara, Santo Domingo, Taos, Tesuque, Zia, and Zuni people. It is a step towards forgiving our Fatherland Mexico for abandoning us. Gratitude is a warrior's process. If done right, it isn't pretty because it leads to respect. I must finish the race, get on the critical path less traveled, seek to understand my enemy, harbor the American refugee, pay Exxon what is Exxon's, recognize myself in the criminal, and burrow into the facades of our institutions so I can see the soul.

And lastly, I am grateful for Brad's concern because getting on the critical path is dangerous, it borders the edge of darkness, i need these reminders to remain grateful.