Endures all

It is always one thing to hear the word endure and believe its possible. It is completely different when I face the discomfort and antagonizing feelings that push me to the point of enduring. My comfort is always a critical component to my decision making and when it comes to pain, I think I like to rationally avoid it. When it comes to love, the philosophy I have aligned with asks me to disregard my comfort and to expand my tolerance for pain. This might include physical and emotional pain. I don't want to be misunderstood in that I am buying into a philosophy that asks me to be irrational. Maybe qualifying pain as reasonable pain and suffering might make it more clear. A healthy self is critical to being a loving person. Learning how I like to be loved has put a spot light on how I love. This has inspired me to really take some risks and investigate through action what it might mean to love in an enduring way.

So far it has meant listening. So far it has meant listening and absorbing messages that help me adjust my habits, reactions, and responses. It has meant change. It has not been without failure or breakdown. Importantly there has been some endurance on the other end as well. Enduring love needs an enduring partner to work, or otherwise I would need to be perfectly enduring on my end. Enduring does not mean love gets received or love is returned. As I grow this naive and young understanding of enduring love I realize that it is all the components of peace seeking. It is not so much "you win", but more like "this is for you, it seems like you need this and I am willing or unwilling to contribute it". There is not a disregard for the healthy narcissistic health. I have found that it is still important to care for myself, otherwise my ability to lovingly endure fails and the ego takes charge and I tend to defend, attack, and withdraw. Enduring love has started out as listening. Listening is helping me learn about what others can say, want me to know, and limits what I distort.

Love endures all, as long as the recipient does not withstand the lovers willingness to love. Being human means I have thresholds and breaking points. My love is capable of perfection, but only God can sustain a perfect love.