Well, I am able to hold paradox. Not all paradox, but I realize I have been able to see beyond the dualism that childhood taught me to rely on. I rarely see circumstances as good or bad. I scarcely see situations as right or wrong. I seldom see details as true or false. I am blessed to be able to know most experiences and possibilities can be looked through for revelations that lie in between polarities.
As a counselor in training, I have learned to seek out what I want from this space between. This in turn reveals my vulnerabilities because what I look for might reveal what I lack. After my divorce I asked God to teach me how to love. I wasn't sure how this prayer would play out. I do believe it is happening. And in my worries about embracing love I have been given a gift of recognizing how others fear love. I think I have a gift for seeing how people guard themselves. I see the matrix. It flows in between love and pain, and interpreting what is to be seen is critical because there are blessings and funk all flowing together. So I can see more clearly the blessings, the underlying wounds, or the sadness. I can find the points of connection.
How I see is like those distorted images that you have to stare at in order allow the perturbing concealed image to surface. It takes time at first, but as you understand how to look they get easier to recognize. What I see depends on how I chose to see it. Remember, blessings and funk flow in the same space between. When I look with anger I’ll find the funk, but as I have learned when I look with grace I am finding the blessings.
