His name will remain undisclosed but his impact on my life will be hard to recognize because it seeps into most aspects of my success. I am writing about a person who I am scared to lose. I am scared because he is going to one of the most dangerous places in the world for an American soldier. I am a borderline pacifist, but he is my reminder that the revolutionary culture is rarely entirely peaceful. Revolution is still part of the American culture. He isn't the strongest man, the smartest man, the bravest man, nor the most honorable man, but he believes that he is heading that direction. What stands out is what he won't do, and that is refuse to be pitied. This has helped him become a green beret. This has prepared him to interact, immerse, and fight for a people who he cannot trust but has to.
I have a dream that his warrior experiences will bring home a wisdom I was too much of a coward to experience myself. Being a soldier was a fantasy that my cousins and I always chased. I have a subtle regret that stains my soul. It may be the remains of a past life or the bottled potential of a future one. I cannot shake it, like I cannot shake my respect for him. I am not going to dwell on the idea of his danger. I will focus on the hope for future experiences. I am fighting a war here with myself and it seems selfish to want him to be safe. It is painful to have jealousy and disappointment that I cannot be there with him. Since our adolescence we have fought most our battles apart, after having each others back throughout young adulthood.
I sit and think about what we have grown from. Two arrogant boys, dreaming of the big leagues, small town values, big city desires, and tattered souls. We taught each other how be men. I've told him shit he hates hearing. I have told him shit he appreciates. I have shared with him my tears. He has yet to let down his mental guard to show me his heart. It makes me feel like a sissy most times, but I know he can be where he is going because he can guard his heart. We are very similar in our insecurities and we are similar in our hate for losing. We have lost too many times in life and in sport. It never gets easy to do. Our community is an underdog breeding ground. We have an appetite for pain.
I will never be able to understand the pain he carries. He has yet to let me know about the pain he holds. I his journey has led him to be a great warrior. He grew up not the smartest, not the fastest, not the strongest, or not the most principled, but he leaves to fight for his country smarter, fluid, durable, and committed. We may never be measurable to the greatest of men, but he walks the paths that many great men have taken. To my brother God blessed me with at my worst. Do nothing fast, and everything fluid!
Shine bright like a Diamond
