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| Alison Quirk: Making a Difference |
You gotta watch this to get an understanding for the person who has blessed my home. Click the image above to watch!
Every Christmas I ask in an egotistical prayer on this blog for God to convert my heart into manger so that Christ might be born again. My prayer was answered in the tallest way. Literally on Christmas eve Emmanuel, meaning "God with us" in Hebrew, sent a text, can I stay with you? Wow! I couldn't have written a better Chicano Christmas Story.
I had recently spent most of the fall hoping for a shift in my life for the better. I had reached a stale phase and was wanting a spark. I got it. I asked Emmanuel (Eman) if he ever gets sad. He said in a deep loud strong tone, "Why!". I asked, because your so far from family, his ex girl friend, or his father's death. He said, yeah but he can't stay sad, he remembers how many people wish they could have the chance he has. This was my shift. This was my prayer answered.
I have wasted so much time finding sadness, forgetting that there so much to be joyful about. He wakes me up! He fills my home. He is the breathe of fresh air that gives a lift to my kite that when souring in the sky reads Joy! He is teaching me how to set aside my sadness and trust that it can dissolve with joy without addressing it. Absence is a new idea for me. I am learning about ignoring. As a counselor I feel obligated not to ignore sadness, but there is a balance between dealing with it and natural decomposition. There has been a Joy in my home that I had forgotten how to see. Emmanuel smiles and he takes my heart to happier place.
More recently I asked Eman how often his dad told him he loved him. He laughed. He told me that his dad never told him he loved him, he knew it. He said American parents have to say it because they are so busy that it is hard for them to feel like their kids know they are loved. He knew his dad loved him. I asked him how do you say I love you in Nigerian.
When I went to Guate many admired me for what I was doing, but only those who have been understand that I was going to Guate selfishly to learn more about how to be human. People tell me I am a good person for opening my home to those who need a place to get on their feet, but I know selfishly that these angels get me on my feet. I recognize that I am finally loving myself, I am opening my heart to help. Inna Sonku has become a gift I finally give myself.
I know a lot of people love me. I can slowly start to stop saying I love you. I can trust that ignoring the fact I never hear the words helps me look for how I feel them. What landed in my manger on Christmas Eve was an eye site for how I am loved. I have wanted people to know I love them because I worry that I haven't done enough to show them.
Inna Sonki (I love you!)
