This post is yet another diatribe of my feeble attempt at remaining Catholic. I have reached a point in my understanding of history, my life, my education, my ideals, my values, and my faith to know that I am Catholic only by a thread. I am only catholic for those who remain in bondage, for those who still understand so well the idea of suffering. I am Catholic in a small dose for myself, because I can recognize only in glimpses my own powerlessness. So this bondage leaves me thankful. I think the purpose of service has been scapegoated by prosperity. I am a servant only to be reimbursed. My deviant oppressions are embarrassing enough for me to understand that grace is all I can hope for.
Jesus is the only prophet that I have been thoroughly taught about, He is known to me only through cultural bias. I am thankful for His teaching because knowing of Him, believing His teaching, and doing my best to live in His framework has created in me a humanism that is losing liberty and gaining loyalty to bonded contribution. I am spoiled by liberty and humbled by faith in being a servant of a mystical trinity. One inspires me to advance, while the other motivates me bow soulfully. This tension is held by a thin and delicate thread of faith. This thanksgiving is a paradoxically an appreciation for healthy contradiction to liberty...servant-hood.
It is there, now reach
There is so much about life that is never seen, experienced, or tasted. There are so many opportunities never seized. I have solved most of my opportunities with expectations and simulated thoughts based on fear and unfortunately expected failure, leading me to never seize the opportunity, never trying. So late in my life, almost feeling like too late in my life, I have learned the value in trying. As I get better at trying my rooted cynical frameworks are unraveling being replaced with a bedrock of fearless freedom. I have a freedom to fail. In fact failure is a companion. I have learned that failure can smile with me. When I see failure, I say hey, good to see you again, I hope we make this a habit, do you mind if I invite my hommie success, by the way I would never have met success without being introduced to you, so gracias. I have this idea that if I fail it will be discouraging, but I also have faith in opportunity and being capable of what seems unreachable......all I have to keep doing is reach.
Thanks to our Veterans
There is much to be criticized about our military, and we rarely do in our public spaces. This day is for honoring the willingness to die, a willingness to commit completely to something greater, and a willingness to trust intentions. My wish for our military leaders is to not romanticize others sacrifice but genuinely digest the dignity, integrity, and valor that is so abundant as a consequence to their sacrifice. In laymen terms, don't exploit the gift of patriotism.
A hole in the Soul
Mi amigo, you put a big hole in me.
you created space to be filled with newness.
show me what you'll fill it with.
father you slapped me with your words.
there is now a red mark on my face.
How will you explain this to your audience.
mother you scarred me with your vengeance.
now you're asking me to hate gently.
How can something so fragile be so destructive.
Hey you boy, shut your mouth!
Hey you kid, know your place!
Mi amigo make the hole bigger,
because I have so much to fill it with.
by Ronald Estrada
The revolutionaries become the empire
What an amazing disclosure of reality...maybe only John Perkin's, a reality non the less.
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