I found my People

I finished my first class for fun.  Like nacho libre, sometimes Chancho, when you are a man you take graduate courses with other stretchy minds, for fun.  I finished my first semester of course work dedicated to enriching my mind versus my profitability.

It was just as stressful as in graduate school, and I often found myself wondering why the fuck I do this shit.  Why, fatherhood, two jobs, and school what was I thinking.  Like those self created Crossfit workouts that through the middle I have my throat burning, lower back aching, and physical therapists eagerly waiting. Then the light shines through a crease.  I love seeing the light.  I live for learning.

So what has this layer of life left me with.  What mark is life leaving on my forehead?
I'll start with the soppy poetic shit first.

I see love where hate thrives.  I see blossoms of admiration in fields of envy.  I see sadness when vengeance torques.  I see potential where pools of laziness smolder. I see hope, maybe lost, maybe tossed as prayer, along the glistening tracks of tears.

I have shaped my sadness that once took the shape of anger.  It once looked hardened, and now I've learned it is malleable.

I have harnessed my passion that once scattered like rage.  It has me powering through in symbiotic directions.

I rerouted my doubt that once fueled my cynicism.  I look gracefully on progress and the "no-rep", especially because I'm still breathing.  This means simply that I haven't died yet.  I am turning I can't into i'll get there.

What I have observed, through my late onset of adolescence, is accepted pity, self-deprecation, and toxic humility have been hard habits to undo.  I look at my cultures similarly and recognize the same paradoxical qualities.  I look at myself not as of a culture but as culture.  I seek out the economy, injustice, balance, and the tangential effects that cause peoples to "be".

I don't have time to prove anymore.  It feels a lot like my remaining life might be to play the instrument I have built myself to be.  I feel like my life will be to contribute where as before it had been to contrive.  I'm not resigning my ability to change or grow.  I have a responsibility to make learning part of my contribution, my song, a melody.

I get to learn now and I feel different,  I feel like an adult.  I am rooting myself in G R A V I T A S.