Falling up

I am discovering me.  I am learning to soften myself.  Softening can be described as humbling, refining, purifying or maybe humanizing.  I have been trying to encounter my shadow for a few years.  This is easier said than done.  I have studied what the shadow can be, how it might reveal itself, and where I can look for it.  But as I approach the final stages of my counseling curriculum I am doing the work.  

I am asking the questions about myself that I asked after my divorce.  I am monitoring and collecting feedback from people who might love me, who I've failed, and who I trust.  I am going back to the basics. I am working on how I can identify with my shadow by identifying actions, behaviors,and emotions that have tarnished my relationships, perspectives, and beliefs.  I want to inspire change, because what I have learned from my love relationships is that a few core struggles linger and damage, leading me to consider that I may not have evolved like I thought.  I am cycling through another introspective phase.

I've collected a few qualities that are in need of immediate softening, I'll call these facades.  There are several areas of my self concept that need softening but I'll process these for now.  I am not a Jungian but I admire his use of shadow, ego, and true self.  I would like to hold these three qualities I am trying to soften in the light of the shadow, the ego , and the true self.  The first quality I find easy to identify is the critic.    Another is the romantic.  And lastly, to get me started down the path of softening, is the victim.  Each of these identified facades have played a significant role in my personality development over the last several years.

I am an expert learner as we all are.  I am disappointed when I make the same mistake twice.  This disappointment is teaching me to invoke my intrapersonal atonement.  This is building patience, sympathy, tolerance, and humility.  I want to be a person who breaks down stigmas, challenges the semantics of society to be more trusting, and I hope to have longer periods of love where I sigh no more.