It feels odd sharing myself in such a vulnerable way, but today I feel simple. There are heavy feelings of embarrassment and broken boundaries, but mostly I feel forgiving and genuine. Maybe a little like that Jerry Maguire moment where genuine expression doesn't bloom immediately but when it does... I think I have expectations of myself that can be rigid. I am only a man. I know that my arrogance is scorned by me and most social norms, but it has helped me survive. Knowing it has contributed to what makes me who I am, allows me to forgive it, embrace it, and thank it. With each tribulation it comes to my rescue and I am gradually getting better at greeting it and redistributing its energy into productive thoughts and behaviors. Spending this time thinking about how I can be arrogant and poetically applying metaphors to it, has helped me reach a forgiveness point. I think as I grow and encounter new people, places, situations, and phases I will recognize the messages that my arrogance can be sending. I may be overwhelmed enough to let my arrogance run wild, but I like to think that as I age I will encounter more humbling circumstances than antagonistic ones. In my shadows lives an arrogant set of tools that at one time in my life kept me alive and functioning. When I am stressed and restless I can fall back on arrogance as a coping strategy for feeling valued. Despite me forgiving me, I long to be forgiven for mistakes made while using these arrogant tools.
There is a part of the Chicano culture that is ruthless. Even the slightest social struggle creates opportunity for deviance. My family wa...
Part 2 The darker aspects of my culture are simply expressions of communal pain. Without diving into excuses or reasons for class structure...
Part 3 Where did the ability to self abuse originate? If I take a critical look at the people in my barrios that perpetrated on the home...