| When it's over, I want to say all my life |
| I was a bride married to amazement. |
| I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. |
| When it's over, I don't want to wonder |
| if I have made of my life something particular, and real. |
| I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened, |
| or full of argument. |
| I don't want to end up simply having visited this world |
Mary Oliver
When Death Comes
Oh Margie! Oh my grandma. You said hello so lovingly, it makes saying goodbye impossible. I don't know how to capture you perfectly, especially in words. It's also impossible. I speak as if you're still listening. I hope you are. I trust you are. I have faith you are. I want to say how much you meant to us, but words can't capture that. There is nothing I can say that can bring to life the way you'd inspire me to do the right thing.
I can talk about how you put so much effort into each meal, each corrido, or each story you told. I can't speak enough about how you never let much go to waste, the last spoonful of beans, a corner piece of tortilla, a left handed glove who lost its right hand partner, "gett-a-hots" commodity rice, and the list could extend for hours. It seems surface to share how principled you'd be like returning every missed call,, creasing your sheets just right, ironing handkerchiefs, and every household chore perfected. I can say you spoiled me! Especially with care and convenience, but it doesn't do your ability to care justice because if we look deep enough you were a Nobel prize winning abuelita, if they had a category for Mothering, you be running away with it. If they had a Pulitzer for Care, it would be yours. I feel like you spoiled me, and when I look at how you loved the recipe is that you spoiled all of us.
You taught me about life without a single lecture, and never asked for anything but for me to be safe...and you did always ask me to clean my room.
I want to describe how you made such a difference in my life, but there isn't a way to paint how your presence could be so comforting. I can only share how you created a home where we all could fall asleep anywhere. You shared your life in way that was profound with goodwill. You gave us all a chance to feel loved, cherished, and teased us all into believing we were each your favorite. You were our biggest fan.
I praise the life you lived, and I know the only way to genuinely do that is to practice being your best parts, every day.
You said good bye so slowly. It still hurts today. As strong as I feel I can be, remembering you, causes me to fold into tears, like I did when I couldn't sleep over. Tonight I'm yearning to be in my makeshift bed, at foot of your's, watching grandpa take a knee to pray. He misses you! And I do too!
Que Lastima
Valerio
