I'm a scared vulnerable morsel, on a planet just far enough away from an incinerator, hoping to keep my existence going. I have been given this innate instinct to eat, sleep, and procreate. For some strange reason there are entities around me trying to do the same, and consequentially have instilled and activated a competitiveness in me. I am born into a labyrinth of intermolecular forces that construct an existence that I seem to think is so important. I'm attacked by other living things. I'm tormented by thoughts of perceived danger. I'm antagonized by the desire for acceptance. And still, I wake up, worrying about what shirt to wear, if my parking spot will be available, or if my ex-girlfriend is lying with someone new. This is the human self interested experience.
It isn't my concern to philosophize about my existence. I am not trying to add to the pool of historic reason. I'm just acknowledging how I wonder about what is my responsibility. How do I contribute my unique flicker of moments, altering everything, even if only slightly. This appears to be cosmic thought. I am excited that I've reached this level of understanding. I am interested in this idea that I am a simple collection of molecules, they make up me, Ron. Where were these molecules before they combine to create me? What had they been part of before? Which molecules are autochthonous to me? What have those that have passed on, cycled on, and shed away become part of?
I am a man from New Mexico. I grew, starting out as a little Chicano kid from Los Duranes USA. Only a human moment, yet comprised of immortal like components that have an unknown birth date. A kid who had a curiosity for my surroundings that was ignited by boredom. I was bound to a family. I followed rules adopted by a culture. I formalized ideas rooted in a region. I navigated a society being limited by hierarchies and authorities, sometimes in my favor and other times repressive. Most importantly is this innate compass that inspires me to desire a loving and all knowing chaperon, a omnipotent power. And as a result I was taught to pray. I was taught to be grateful. I was taught to plug into the concept of benevolence, and when I failed to engage a remorse. And I learned fast that this religious process was in direct contradiction to my first instinct to survive.
Personal survival is to forgo the needs of others in order to win the war for power to sustain. It is interesting what constitutes my survival. Based on the youthful constructs of self, family, culture, country, and species, I have several systems to keep alive and keep powering. Keeping these systems alive seems to convince me that I'll be safe. If my country is thriving then my existence is okay. If my species is at the top of the food chain then I will be okay. If my family owns resources then I will be okay. If my religion is pointing to the best God, then I will be okay. I recognize how these schema have led to the complexities that make simply surviving a labyrinth. It seems like my personal survival has come at the expense of cosmic responsibility. It appears to be a paradox to survive benevolently in my human systems, while I'm cosmically destined to be reabsorbed, by something.
What is cosmic responsibility, is there a cosmic benevolence?
