I gravitated to the belief that cynicism is negative and painful. But cynicism inspires my radical thoughts leading me to potent sources of my sadness. When I get cynical I tend to get curious. I tend to become doubtful and reactive. Reactive refers to my impulsivity and impatience. This is what I understand to be worrisome about cynicism. I was rarely able to benefit from the cynicism and it contaminated my passion and good nature.
What I am better capable of today is knowing what the unwanted side effects of cynicism can feel like. I can also slow the reactions down. I have built up a contraction for my unleashed adrenaline, not to say I have control of what stings me, but to say I have some governance over my mindset. I have established a healthier perspective on what is mine to confront, tolerate, and accept.
Social harmony is a dream I have. Balance is a core aspect for what motivates me. Cynicism is a variable in this mix. In small doses cynicism helps by fueling my curiosity and bitterness in ways that result in productive attitudes. I have observed how my open mindedness buffers my ability to handle my cynicism and the cynicism from others. Functioning for self-interest when done in harmony can mean that it is also group-interest, and by inheritance if harmony is behind self-interest than it is likely going to benefit all. This looks a lot like advocacy. Cynicism isn't as toxic when in optimal dosages. It can even be nutritious.
