The paradox that describes the human dilemma to be part of a group and the expense of being unique baffles our morality. It seems as though there's a need for enough immorality in order for morality to be fully effective. It is as if there are counter intuitive but necessary and limiting reactants in the creation of morality. There needs to be just enough vanity, egotism, selfishness, and possibly obligation, among others in order for a healthy morality to form. I picture it as if the righteous need something or someone to blame in order feel alive, while also needing something or someone to point to that doesn't blame, an icon. Maybe the deviant function out of need to be relieved of the pain from not being afforded the same liberties afforded the moral. Maybe the moral hide in uniform fearing the pain from being judged. All I know is that I have struggled to maneuver between unpopular groups, privileged groups, discriminated groups, and the behaved groups. This identity limbo makes being human not enough, I had to become Catholic, Latino, American, Chicano, graduated, or safe. I couldn't just be understood as surviving.
I want to blame this on the colonial ways that some of my ancestors passed down or were imposed by. The tendencies of my communities appear to be influenced by a colonial heritage. In the colonial or civilized arena, equal is a foul word. It is challenging to be from heavily dogmatic systems that praise champions, yet preach conformity. It is discouraging to chase equality in a world that fears unity. Unity might mean that we have to share, connect, and even let go of our self interest. The colonial world cannot do any of these well. So for so long I have attached to the concept of being Chicano, and I am slowly embracing that before I chose to be seen as Chicano I was Humano.
