My greatest mistake has been harnessing the yolk of fear, pulling the load of "might have beens". I have made doubt a friend. Wasting breaths on words of privacy, sharing secrets about escaping during the night, through that open window in the back room, with all the storage boxes. Storage boxes, dusty, making a latter to the grungy window never wiped clean, with mildew of disrespect, clouding my view of what could be, but also feeding my imagination with thoughts of monsters and men waiting to strike me down. Doubt always seems to call to me just moments before dawn, with that comforting voice, with breath that smells, warm, like honey and cinnamon. My greatest mistake is keeping my head down when greatness came by to shake my hand. Believing I was so different from greatness has haunted us. Yeah, greatness and I, we are longing for each other but I don't have the courage to look up and be what greatness understands I'd like to be. I am the greatest thing that happened to me, and in my doubt for what I couldn't do, I have learned to learn that my tethered and fearful self is greatness. My fear is beautiful. I am a caged bird no less satisfied than that bird soaring free. Fear is my companion, and shyness is my audience. My greatest mistake is not understanding my mistakes make me the greatest, sooner.
-Ron Estrada
