My pilgrimage will be different today. Today is a walk with my doubt, through my treacherous terrain of my mind. Today is a pilgrimage with my selfishness and spoiled existence. I meditate on how easily I lose faith. I recognize how I lack integrity. I do this today here online with vanity, because it embodies the energy in which it comes from, my self concept, conceit. I express myself, mostly, out of narcissism. I write this today to bring my own awareness and yours to the understanding that we continue to search for greatness with our eyes and mind, despite the simplicity of purity, which turns on the heart's site. I write today with guilt, appropriately wanting to appear spiritual, faithful, and holy. I want to leave behind a memory of a metaphorical pilgrimage that announces my arrogance and need to be seen.
The greatest way to pray is to be a prayer. I was reminded this morning to live out my faith. I am judgmental. I am also aware that in my judgement I have found a vanish point for my hearts vision. My heart is using my ego and insecurity to project the imprint of my unconscious faults. I pray today to be forgiven for believing I am different, blameless, innocent, virtuous, pious and free from chastisement. So this expression wrapped in vanity and decorated with pride has a morsel of spirituality tucked inside. That morsel is appreciation that you continue to love me despite the blisters I point out and create while thrashing and flailing in my own suffering.
This Lent has not been a humble one for me. It has been lazy, enjoyed, and slightly ignored. The profit from this haphazard acknowledgment of this symbolic time, might be a greater embracing of loving. I am in love, surrounded by grace, and capable of compassion, so as we share in sin let us also share in forgiveness.
