Artist Unknown
The shadows are where I have put my qualities worth shaming. In the shadows is where I put my indigenous characteristics. In the shadows is where I have stored my embarrassments. Covered is where I keep my most vulnerable blemishes. Like Adam leaving the garden covering his genitals, I too have learned to believe I am shameful.
When I look for leaders that look like me, I recognize that they are in prisons, in the back of the stores, in the warehouse, in the servant quarters, in the kitchen, on buses, on the south side, on the other side of the tracks, and in the bars, homeless, pulled over, being arrested, being questioned, in mug shots and in the principles office. I have learned to believe that they are shameful. I am now, with a scientific method, beginning to prove to myself, that my shadowed leadership is worthy. I am finally beginning to see how to function in the shadows. I am learning how to continue to keep my internal candle lit, while not having to leave the shadows, without gentrifying someone's home in a lit place.
I speak mystically when I say keeping my internal candle lit. Let me translate this for the soulfully illiterate and the spiritually ignorant. My internal candle is the motivation to seek understanding versus being understood, giving versus receiving, serving versus being served, being an employee versus looking for them, appreciating what I have versus believing it will lead to more, loving versus looking to be loved, and feeding versus being fed. I use the term candle because it is small, manageable, and sustainable. I use lit because fire is a source of light that has transcended time as we know it, it is not synthetic energy it is raw and natural.
My culture has been conquered, exploited, and ransacked. I look at what my culture has to give up to participate in this new modern society, and I say, "Fuck That". Inclusion isn't as simple as dressing business casual and maybe a tie to the Christmas/Winter party. I look at Susanna Martinez and I recognize how I SOLD OUT to a tradition and a belief in my heritage. I see how I gave up on the lifestyle of my ancestors for the opportunity to be seen as equal. I see now that equality in this country isn't proven, it is felt. I recognize it in the Scotsman who wears his kilt on special occasions but rarely to work. I recognize the Irishman who displays his culture pridefully one day in February, but blends in all other days. I see the Indian men who mostly where the pyjama for ceremonies. We were all once indigenous. We are all slowly saying goodbye to the spirits of our ancestors. This might be part of the process or it might be a disrespect to simplicity. We'll see?
I have been asked to soldier up in this new army. That's cool. I can get on board this slave train. It isn't an American slave train, nor a industrial slave train, but rather a human self shaming train, that cannot love all its parts. This slave train leads me in the direction of many great slaves who learned the true meaning of service, and possibly the true meaning of Jesus' Gospels, Buddha's message, and Allah's vision. The great Victor Frankel got on a similar train, and it led him to his greatest possession....meaning.
