Act of forgiveness

I would never have been able to think of both my parents in the same sentence using the word forgiving.  But as life continues to grant me time, I now can.  When I went through my divorce I accepted how much more responsible I felt for the deterioration of my marriage.  It gave me the courage and context to look critically on my parents relationship during my childhood.  What I found was so many misunderstandings and misinterpretations that left me having to chose sides, defending, and feeling caught in between.   I knew I couldn't let this be recreated for my daughters.  So I confronted the scariest of unknowns,  the details of my fathers reasons, the worries of a young mother, and my own unwanted memories.  Forgiveness and confronting seem to go hand in hand.  I have described forgiveness synthesis and with it comes the encountering of the wound.

What answers I found were sacred understandings  of who my parents were.  I was able to see myself in their sadness, because I was in my own divorce, I was dividing my own family.  I could not hold onto the discomfort, created by years of avoiding my pain, any longer.  I saw my dad as a young arrogant but eager boy trying to live in a world of accolades while being asked to humble himself in order to be a father.  He only had training in one area... basketball.  He never spent endless hours practicing how to be a top notch husband or father.  My mother was a young naive girl seeming to be dazzled by attention.  She was caring, selfless, and exhausted by the realities that come with being a mother responsible for holding together an adolescent family.  This is what I can share, there is a depth that i cannot share but it is a hard look into the suffering of two people torn apart by immaturity, mishandled love, and the fatigue of disregard. 

How does this fit with forgiveness.  I have moved past the need to understand my parents.  I have gradually accepted how they treated each other.  My expectations are no longer sticky.  My hope for happy reunions no longer were a distraction.  My fears for witnessing resentment and animosity have become dull.  And to be clear it wasn't the expectations of them to "get back together" but for the simple experience of having two parents who could value time shared and the creation they made.  That is hard to say and it makes me cry happy tears.  I accepted their pain for the obstacle it was.

This is leads me to yesterday.  My mom and dad shared a happy moment.  For the first time I watched as they both shared a smile and joked.  I watched as they both were genuinely delighted.  There was no agenda, nothing to be gained for being pleasant, just a sunny day and a giggle that brought two people who once loved each other deeply enough to hate, into a joyful instance.  A simple 2 minutes of nervous excitement helped me forget a lifetime of endured resentment and tension.  Forgiveness had broken through.  Un Milagro!