I have never really felt like I was in love with myself. There is a self hate that I have always held on to. I have rarely done enough to feel worthy of appreciating myself. I have beat myself up far too often. I have cluttered my ideas with doubt. I have chained my dreams with discouragement. I have chosen the conservative routes. I have feared with more intensity than trust. That is changing. I am hardening my values and softening my heart. I am recognizing the beauty in most situations and accepting that perception can be a powerful ingredient to prosperity.
I am on the move!
Incarceration Rates by Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_incarceration_rate
One nation under God, indivisible, and Justice for those who are empowered. Forgiveness for the powerful few, the elite humble, the profitable meek, and rare ignorant.
It is the home of the brave often when convinced, promised, or deceived with education and hazard pay...not to mention large no bid contracts.
Land of the Free seems to be empirically unseen for the staggering cultures, land of the discriminant and home of the prejudice appears to be a better statistical match.
All men are created equal, unless it becomes inconvenient and rebellious in the eyes of the status quo. Most should pursue happiness and the entitlements that come from capitalism until the rich elite can conspire guidelines that eliminate or discourage competition.
When one can find themselves in the flow of empowerment and able to tolerate the magnetic forces of addiction, we are as great as the greatest nations. We are capable of being talented and symbiotic. We can and have championed liberty by giving the underdog time on the court.
We are brilliant because we allow the underdog an opportunity to study the play book. We open the practice fields up for everyone. We are still in the direction of democracy. We are close to seeing all people as equal.
We are growing further from valuing them for their contributions versus looking for oppotunities to punish them.
Interesting thought about heaven
Most Christians desire that everyone be Christian so that we all share in the gift of heaven. Universal and catholic faith in a trinity, and not the Catholic religion but the true definition of catholic. There is also a belief that heaven will be illusive to those who are unworthy. So is the acceptance into a place or even state reflective of the process Christians might participate in on judgment day. Is America like heaven? Is this metaphor even fair?
I start thinking about the beliefs needed to get to heaven. Why exclude? If God is capable of infinite forgiveness then why exclude anyone who wishes to live in heaven. Will heaven have an economy? Will heaven have a currency? Does God discriminate? A better question is, if forgiveness is infinite but time isn't as revelations tell us. Does this mean, forgiveness will end as well. Will forgiveness be irrelevant in heaven? Will discrimination be the ultimate gateway to heaven, with worthiness be the golden ticket? Are those who segregate just practicing the ways of their Father? We are made in the image of God, does this mean we are expressing God's ability to discriminate.
I think about the immigrant. Then I question how the right wing Christian lobby seems to believe that heaven should be for everyone. This isn't contradictory to how they believe their God will treat them on judgment day. This also reflects the American self perception that this nation is under God and the moral compass for the world.
The biggest risk I find in religion is feeling righteous enough to think like God. Isn't judging human worth a risky skill, maybe even a skill left for God. Isn't our worth our ticket to heaven. Isn't entrance to heaven the choice of God. Are our borders symbolizing the act of judging worth. One nation under God but only for those who deserve to be in heaven. Judge and you will be judged the same.
As I seek heaven like the immigrant seeks prosperity here, I question whether I want to be in a place where discrimination still exists. I think Gandhi might have hinted at the idea of questioning the goal of heaven if it will be full of religious elitists. Are our borders reflective of the process God chooses for us. I expect heaven to have souls that have discriminated but absent of discrimination. I hope my desire to be without discrimination will be enough to not exclude me from heaven. The paradox is fun. I must learn to not discriminate in order to pass God's discrimination.
I start thinking about the beliefs needed to get to heaven. Why exclude? If God is capable of infinite forgiveness then why exclude anyone who wishes to live in heaven. Will heaven have an economy? Will heaven have a currency? Does God discriminate? A better question is, if forgiveness is infinite but time isn't as revelations tell us. Does this mean, forgiveness will end as well. Will forgiveness be irrelevant in heaven? Will discrimination be the ultimate gateway to heaven, with worthiness be the golden ticket? Are those who segregate just practicing the ways of their Father? We are made in the image of God, does this mean we are expressing God's ability to discriminate.
I think about the immigrant. Then I question how the right wing Christian lobby seems to believe that heaven should be for everyone. This isn't contradictory to how they believe their God will treat them on judgment day. This also reflects the American self perception that this nation is under God and the moral compass for the world.
The biggest risk I find in religion is feeling righteous enough to think like God. Isn't judging human worth a risky skill, maybe even a skill left for God. Isn't our worth our ticket to heaven. Isn't entrance to heaven the choice of God. Are our borders symbolizing the act of judging worth. One nation under God but only for those who deserve to be in heaven. Judge and you will be judged the same.
As I seek heaven like the immigrant seeks prosperity here, I question whether I want to be in a place where discrimination still exists. I think Gandhi might have hinted at the idea of questioning the goal of heaven if it will be full of religious elitists. Are our borders reflective of the process God chooses for us. I expect heaven to have souls that have discriminated but absent of discrimination. I hope my desire to be without discrimination will be enough to not exclude me from heaven. The paradox is fun. I must learn to not discriminate in order to pass God's discrimination.
Why fundraising is hard
Fundraising has been an amazing exercise in humility. You know America is a huge reason why the Guatemala endured a 30 year civil war. I get frustrated and even discouraged because my judgmental self gets irritated and starts to become cynical when I get told I can't help. The dreaded words "no". I want to explain the full history of how the Dulles brothers recklessly manipulated the region. I want to describe how our fear of communism resulted in the genocide of many. I want to describe the agricultural atrocities that we still chose to be blind to. I want to yell at how we can't afford to not help. Then I watch as I continue to be reminded that every little bit helps. I am reminded that I am not the only one who is aware of this country's shadow. I am not the only who one is sending money and effort to Guatemala. Despite most people in my small area of support being ignorant, blind, and uninspired about Guatemala, I can't and won't stop trying to pull the facade of perfection from the face of my country. We are free but others aren't.
Dad's plans
When things don't work out as planned, I tend to think they went wrong. When I think about what right is supposed to feel like it just as illusive as the feeling I feel when expectations aren't met. I am a father who won't make happiness happen, but I will be a dad who will try. I think my daughters have taught me to hold on to second chances, and to see each chance as a new and different try. Fathers Day is a day to remember that there are men who may or may not have helped life happen as planned. If I look at it a little differently and update my plans I get an opportunity to see how Dad is not an answer to life but a question about my lineage. So to dads who are what you are there will always be plans and hopefully they'll include you.
Psychology of value
A few weeks ago I went to bar with some friends. It was actually a club. Yes I was a sore thumb in a room full of pinkies. Anyway, I was pretty much being courteous and tagging along. So I sit there in wonder with how wild, erotic, and liberating the folks on the dance floor appear, remembering my cool guy days. I am sitting in a VIP area. In Albuquerque this isn't really much except a small piece of real estate next to the dance floor that is quarantined off with red velvet rope, maybe the size of a closet. So anyway the group I am with welcomes me and says help myself to the table service. What goes through my mind is taking the bottle of premium vodka and selling drinks cheaper than the bar for my trip Guatemala. I have had my two drink maximum for the evening ;) (this night it was four, but I wasn't driving so we'll blog about this another time) so I just sat and observed the lifestyle.
What is most discouraging and frustrating is that the table service, as it is called, runs about $400. The group I was with bought 2. $800 for one night of fun. Putting this into perspective, $400 dollars is a years salary for a teacher in Guatemala. To make it worse something happened that upset the person that bought the service and this person tossed the drink tray shattering glass and bottles all over the dance floor. I was blown away, embarrassed, and ashamed. I was the bourgeoisie, I was with the group of people who felt obligated to entertain themselves with consumption. Even worse was my lack of inspiration to say anything.
There was a disconnect from compassion as I accented up the social classes. I never made it very high up, but visited many events where the highest or elites made appearances. I have had my share of evenings spoiled with overpriced luxuries. I have convinced myself that my hard work is deserving of reward. I have wanted to seem important, significant, glamorous, and valuable. I hope as I hover below the average middle class lifestyle but beyond poverty that I seek value in information and understanding that builds efficient economies.
What is most discouraging and frustrating is that the table service, as it is called, runs about $400. The group I was with bought 2. $800 for one night of fun. Putting this into perspective, $400 dollars is a years salary for a teacher in Guatemala. To make it worse something happened that upset the person that bought the service and this person tossed the drink tray shattering glass and bottles all over the dance floor. I was blown away, embarrassed, and ashamed. I was the bourgeoisie, I was with the group of people who felt obligated to entertain themselves with consumption. Even worse was my lack of inspiration to say anything.
There was a disconnect from compassion as I accented up the social classes. I never made it very high up, but visited many events where the highest or elites made appearances. I have had my share of evenings spoiled with overpriced luxuries. I have convinced myself that my hard work is deserving of reward. I have wanted to seem important, significant, glamorous, and valuable. I hope as I hover below the average middle class lifestyle but beyond poverty that I seek value in information and understanding that builds efficient economies.
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