Hipocrita

So when I look at this in front of the Albuquerque Museum I question the valiance and prestige that I once held for my Spanish heritage.  It is easier to sift through this proverbial bath water, before throwing out the waste.  But in continuation of what was discussed below to honor the gallant without disclosing the savage is distressing.

How you see them contradicts how you see them

 Criminal                       Pioneer Mother

Above you can see the advantages of being of the dominant white culture.  In these images I see a contradictory perception, belief, and prejudice towards the emigrant.  I got some parking tickets and had to go downtown and pay to have a boot removed.  So as I was walking toward the payment location I saw this memorial to the "pioneer mother".  How romantic the word pioneer is, yet equally unwelcome.  This infuriated me because once again when a white soul is restless it is memorialized, honored, and even encouraged.  But when a darker featured soul shares the same passion, we are seen as a nuisance, a burden, and criminals.  The placard below this "memorial" to white emigrants read “To the pioneer mother of America, through whose courage and sacrifice the desert has blossomed, the camp became a home, the blazed trail a thoroughfare.”

I say with slight hesitancy, "Fuck that!"  It should have read, "To the struggling poor, restless, and desperate refugee, may she remind her children that her reckless survival will lead to devastating demolition of many cultures and beliefs, while her offspring will exploit and disregard the hope of others who are still emigrating from despair and distress."

If interested or by chance you are on 4th street and Lomas this statue stands facing west about 200m north of Lomas.  Likewise, you'll likely never see the other woman and her child, because they are being taught to hide, evade, and be ashamed.  For the struggles of emigrants who are seeking a meaningful life, I honor you, and hope your humanity shines its best light.

So this is Christmas

So this is Christmas, a celebration with too many flavors.  For me the childish fervor has long been overshadowed by the abrasive maturating process.  I miss the simplicity of knowing this is the best time of the year.  In many ways it is.  New Mexico, or I should say its people, like many other places and peoples around the world, have embraced Christmas' invitation to prepare for newness with food, song, presents, and community.  It is a time that has caused battles to pause, enemies to forgive, and strangers to bond.  If only for a collections of days at the end of a calendar year, humanity can and does teeter towards compassion, peace, and forgiveness.  So with perplexing circumstances still enthralling our American lives, I hope you find ways to have a Happy Christmas.

Make my heart a manger, so in case a miracle child should need a warm place to be born, I might be just enough.

Thankful not for Liberty but servitude...

This post is yet another diatribe of my feeble attempt at remaining Catholic.  I have reached a point in my understanding of history, my life, my education, my ideals, my values, and my faith to know that I am Catholic only by a thread.  I am only catholic for those who remain in bondage, for those who still understand so well the idea of suffering.  I am Catholic in a small dose for myself, because I can recognize only in glimpses my own powerlessness.  So this bondage leaves me thankful.  I think the purpose of service has been scapegoated by prosperity.  I am a servant only to be reimbursed.  My deviant oppressions are embarrassing enough for me to understand that grace is all I can hope for. 

Jesus is the only prophet that I have been thoroughly taught about, He is known to me only through cultural bias.  I am thankful for His teaching because knowing of Him, believing His teaching, and doing my best to live in His framework has created in me a humanism that is losing liberty and gaining loyalty to bonded contribution.  I am spoiled by liberty and humbled by faith in being a servant of a mystical trinity.  One inspires me to advance, while the other motivates me bow soulfully.  This tension is held by a thin and delicate thread of faith.  This thanksgiving is a paradoxically an appreciation for healthy contradiction to liberty...servant-hood.

Absurd smile

Perspective...Where is the money?

It is there, now reach

There is so much about life that is never seen, experienced, or tasted.  There are so many opportunities never seized.  I have solved most of my opportunities with expectations and simulated thoughts based on fear and unfortunately expected failure, leading me to never seize the opportunity, never trying.  So late in my life, almost feeling like too late in my life, I have learned the value in trying.  As I get better at trying my rooted cynical frameworks are unraveling being replaced with a bedrock of fearless freedom.  I have a freedom to fail.  In fact failure is a companion.  I have learned that failure can smile with me.  When I see failure, I say hey, good to see you again, I hope we make this a habit, do you mind if I invite my hommie success, by the way I would never have met success without being introduced to you, so gracias.  I have this idea that if I fail it will be discouraging, but I also have faith in opportunity and being capable of what seems unreachable......all I have to keep doing is reach.