Father's Day Crudo

The work I need to accomplish in order to show up in society, doing what I've been placed here to do, should be shared.  It gets cliche for me to think I was born with a destiny.  I've been lazily able to embrace the whole God has a plan for me.  I've done the whole I'll leave it in God's hands routine.  But in order for the rubber to meet the road, I have to get up, get still, get the messages, read the signs, and make the choices.  I have to do the work.  What kind of work?

 I've heard it called men's work.  It seems more appropriate to call it boy's work because it takes effort while in the child's mind, transcending the security of a mother's comforting blanket.  In order to overcome the convenience of boyhood, I had to find a compassion in my psyche for the boy.  I had most often destroyed the boy within, bullied the boy inside, wore it down.  I've had to learn to love the boy in me.  Not just one but many different facades that expressed with a boy's energy.  The boy is an archetype, symbolizing the aspects of my psychology that have not yet been galvanized by the existential crises of living.  With each archetype encountered, I find myself having to do "men's work".  I have to say good bye to the way I nestle up to the mother.  As long as there is a feminine energy to roll up to, hunker down in, and rest by, I will need to taste the vicious pull of discomfort.  This is a part of men's work.

Father Richard Rhor, through his knowledge and literature, guided me through a rights of passage.  It was my first lesson in the humble journey a man likely will take, must take, to approach a True Self.  I was shown in ritual 5 promises.  The rights of passage was a gathering with other men, taking us into an experiential process for feeling these promises.  It was something challenging to explain.  The best or only hint at what it was like is to call it a stimulation of True-ness.  The gathering was a collection of events and rituals, like prayers performed.  Each was brutally real, deep, and rich.   Each promise was a promise of work.  Each promise, if it could be describe by a direction, pointed down.  I learned a way to be dignified and emotionally responsible.

I found out that I wasn't the only man that had a distorted idea for what it meant to be a "man".  I find myself revisiting, these principles when I encounter my anxiety.  The promises remind me that the journey is hard, my duty is to see it through, to do not for me but to benefit all, that I belong to something grater than myself, and with grace I will die.  So how do you hand this across to a boy, even the archetype of a boy.  That is the motivation for this piece.

I can't teach the boy in me to be a man.  I can't coach the boy in me to be man.  It feels like I can only nurse a suffering boy ravaged by the insecurity of the wild, through the pangs of survival, reaching a condition of matured.  I find myself digging through my understanding of being a man and acknowledge that being a "man" might be more about restoring the boyish aspects of myself.  As if joining the mother need with an internal father.  A father that isn't drunk.  A father that isn't abusive or brash.  A father that is present and initiated with these prestige promises.  A father that understands how to cry enough through the pain while still working.  A nurturing father that will guide me through the panic, because the internal father trusts the 5 promises serve the soul.

Men's work must start with a nurturing male to place an understanding for what a gentle father can look like.  The boy must be given a living example to initiate the internal father.  The external father must nurture the boy, leaving behind the nurturing father to replicate for all other boyish aspects needing to repair the gap a mother can't fill.